cazrolime: (simple dog . literally me irl)
Corpus Callosum ([personal profile] cazrolime) wrote2011-12-24 08:05 pm

I was talking to a woman at the burrito shop...

…and she took me on the most amazing journey through internet conspiracy theory that I have ever experienced.

Did you know that the government staged 9/11 so that the Arabs could take over? She didn’t say what they were taking over, but damn it, they were taking over something. And not just the terrorists, not even the Muslims, but every single Arab person.

And she psychically “saw” that 9/11 would happen three days before it did. And did I know she read something once that said the time delay between Earth and the Astral Plane is… three days? It’s because we “live in time” and the Astral Plane doesn’t. When I asked, she couldn’t quite remember how this had been found out.

That’s just one of the fascinating things you can’t talk about because people will think you’re crazy, since the scientists won’t do honest research into this kind of thing! But she’s always been very in tune with the Rose Lines, or Rosalyns (as she said with great significance until I asked what a rose line is. She said that it isn’t physical like a fault line, then ummed and ahhed, and we eventually settled on it being an invisible mathematically-established line around the Earth, like the equator.)

And speaking of forbidden knowledge, did I know that Napoleon invaded a couple of countries in a particular year, and if you take the numbers of that year and put “nautical miles” after them, then one of those countries is that distance from Paris and one of them is that distance from a place in England! (I asked her what that signified, and she said that the guy who worked this out doesn’t tell the whole story about his findings, “like he’s forbidden to”.)

But you know, I shouldn’t be surprised by all these startling facts, because the Queen is a Nazi! How did I not know that?! She thought everyone knew that! All Germans are Nazis! (Up until this point I’d been limiting my disbelief to asking after details she skimmed over, like what on earth rose lines are. Now I just said “that’s not how that works, the Nazis are a political party and Germans are people from Germany.” I was kind of blindsided by the 9/11 stuff and we can agree to disagree about portentous numbers from the astral plane — but Germans are not all Nazis, how high do you even have to be to think that?)

And the Pope is a Nazi too! (“He was in the Hitler Youth—” “YES EXACTLY!” “but that doesn’t mean he’s a Nazi.” Comparison I wish I’d made: I was in the Girl Scouts, but that doesn’t mean I’m a Christian. Kids join clubs that their friends are in. It doesn’t mean they’ll support the club’s ideology for the rest of their lives.)

And everyone who rules the world is blood related! The Bush family is related to the Royal Family, who are related to HITLER!

In fact everyone -- not just the Queen and Pope -- everyone in a position of power (so presidents, royals, prime ministers etc) is a Nazi. When I asked how come all our laws aren’t in line with the Nazis’ ideology, her answer was “but they are - you just can’t see it!”

I’m just going to mention here that I’m not entirely writing this stuff in order for it to sound ridiculous. This is literally how she told it to me. I promised to look up the Queen being a Nazi thing, and came away from the conversation with the recommendation that I talk to her friend in Chile, who’s working with the History Channel on a programme about ancient aliens visiting Earth. I guess to make sure that she didn’t leave any conspiracy theories out.

I didn’t ask whether the aliens had been Nazis too.

We also talked about how she’d travelled around being a fashion designer when she was younger, which was interesting in the regular way rather than holding a “holy shit, how far does the rabbithole go” fascination.

I told this story to my boyfriend when I got home with the food, and he reckons she was trolling me, but she seemed so sincere in person that I just don't know.

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