Yeah, I agree that there's a continuum of fine to harmful. That's what I was trying to get at in the beginning of the fifth paragraph. I might not've been as clear as possible about that, though, my bad.

And I agree that white people shouldn't decide where the point is, too. I don't think any one group of people should really be the arbiters of it, since the point varies between people and situations, and so there's no single correct place to point to and say 'there it is' as there would be if it was a maths problem or something.

I do think white people should be allowed to hold an opinion on it and take part in the debate, though. Not wade in and take it over and make it all about us, but take part.